Making A Life

AM I ON THE RIGHT TRACK?

We only live once. But if we do it right, once is all we need.

A phrase that I consider near the end of each year. Am I doing it right? Do I feel the fulfillment in my purpose? Am I growing in the right way?

Many opportunities and instances present themselves each day to give the answer to those questions. Some come with joyous verification, others with painful stings of redirection. I heard a message the other day about how stacking little, happy moments over an extended period of time produces the sustainable growth. Stacking enough of those moments throughout the day, wins the day. Winning enough days wins the week. Stacking enough weeks wins the month. Winning enough months… you get the idea.

We all have different definitions of how to live; what those little, happy moments are in our lives. What intrigues and drives one person, may not interest or inspire another. What provides purpose or changes the soul for one, may not move the needle or transform another.

I’ve written many times about my personal keys to life: genuine relationships, simple experiences and sharing my gifts with purpose. Those are my pillars, my concrete constants. Recently, I’ve discovered components to achieve and grow those keys. It is just as important to discover who you are not as it is to reveal who you are.

TAKE THE LEAP

2023 was an incredible year. I filled those three major cups that make me happy. My best friend got married. My sister welcomed a new baby to her family. Both of my parents are healthy and happy. I watched my friends succeed, achieve and celebrate milestones. The quality of my relationships improved. I had extraordinary experiences and visited new places through my job. I committed to believing in my purpose and understanding that my gifts are meant to be shared.

How did that happen? In my travels and time spent alone, I reflected. Part of growing is realizing that sometimes we are the problem or we are the person holding ourselves back from certain outcomes. That is a tough pill to take, but a courageous one. I identified a few things in my life that I wanted to change. The truth is: nothing changes if nothing changes. For a majority of the year, I felt there was more to me than what I was, more potential inside of me. Stuck is the wrong word because it appears negative, so I would say plateaued.

Down the stretch of this year, I made a commitment. “Don’t look back. I’m not going that way.” It didn’t make sense to wait for tomorrow, or Monday, or 2024 to get here. I was guided to start today. I learned, listened, read and believed. Many of us are stuck. Whether that is in the past or by inaction, afraid of taking the leap. Focus on today. 1% better today. Be better today than we were yesterday. Believe that we are capable of more, that we have so much goodness to share. Do it. Go for it on fourth down. Dive for the liner in the gap. Reach for the steal. Take the leap.

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

Each day, I wake up with the most fulfilling, exciting job. I get to work for the Hawkeyes. When I was called upon to travel with the men’s basketball team to Europe to cover their foreign tour, I was thrilled beyond words. I had a job to do, duties to carry out. But courtesy of my upbringing, I was experienced with travel and excited to return overseas. The trip took us to France and Spain and the cities of Paris, Valencia and Barcelona. On the court, the Hawkeyes dominated each of their opponents and outscored them by an average of 116-79.

Traveling is one of the best parts of my job. I am adventurous in that sense and I have an appreciation for what I can learn in someplace new. While in Paris, the team spent an evening at the Eiffel Tower. Now, for those that don’t know, I am deathly afraid of heights. I suppose I should alter that and say I am afraid of falling. Rollercoasters: no. Ferris wheels: not a chance. Any ledge hanging over buildings: yeah, right. The Arch in St. Louis: couldn’t pay me enough.

The tour guides had purchased passes to go to the top of the Tower, which began the process of guilting me into thinking about going up. But on my own, I decided to go to the top. I have no idea what came over me. There were a series of steps and then two separate lifts to get all the way to the top. The first lift moved at an angle and was short in duration. When we stepped out, we were in open air and certainly high enough for my liking.

But the next lift to the top was entirely vertical. Some members of the team and I loaded into a pod and began the ascent. Typically, closing my eyes or looking at the floor would save me in situations like this. The problem with this lift was… the floor was transparent. So, I could see all the way down to the ground. Closing my eyes didn’t help either. A few players jumping up and down and rocking back and forth may have heightened my fear. After what seemed like hours, we finally got all the way to the top. Open air. Very high up. But what an incredible view. It was nighttime and so the city was lit up. I can still see the streets illuminated in each direction. We stayed up there for a few minutes and I actually was the last one to leave. What a remarkable experience.

Fear is an incredible concept. It can be defined as False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is the most subtle, yet destructive of all human traits. It kills dreams. It kills hope. Fear kills the possibility of achieving something that initially may not have seemed possible. But it only succeeds by our paralysis. It succeeds through our inaction. Honestly, many of us can be stuck in that position – standing idly by as opportunities pass – because we simply don’t believe we deserve it. We don’t believe that we can do great things. Or have happiness and success. We don’t believe that we are responsible. Or that we have the ability to impact in a positive way.

We talk ourselves out of so many possibilities because of fear. Fear of regret, fear of failure, fear of rejection. On the other side of challenges and adversity are success and growth. There is outstanding fulfillment in working through struggles and being at peace with the outcomes. “Consider it pure joy – whenever you face trials of many kinds – because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

Recently, I have discovered that although falling (and spiders) are my tangible fears, regret is my greatest fear. Not ordinary regret, but specifically the regret of inaction. Imagine if I had not gone to the top of the Eiffel Tower while in Paris. The ascent to the top and overcoming that well-known fear of mine is a symbol in my life. Try something, if it works or produces success, great! If not, okay what was the lesson that was learned? Consider the regret of not getting back up after we fall.

I committed to this approach because of my trip to Europe. A life-changing approach. I have tried things that worked. I’ve given things a chance that did not work. People even said: “John, are you sure this is a good idea?” I tried it anyway. Not out of stubbornness, but because I believed in what I felt in my heart and mind. No matter the outcome, I have continued to learn.

In the fall, I dedicated significant time to listening to motivational speakers. Driving in the car, at the gym, out for a walk, I was listening to the likes of Les Brown, Inky Johnson, Jordan Peterson and Jim Rohn. During one of the speeches, Brown shared a story of a young man being chased by a vicious dog every day after school. One day, the young man decided he would pick up a brick and hit the dog. So as he is walking home, he takes the brick, turns to hit the dog and realizes the dog doesn’t have any teeth. He was running from something that wasn’t going to do him any harm. What aspects in our life are the dog? Are we running from something that isn’t meant to do us any harm?

COMMIT TO YOURSELF

Commitment. A simple word with a simple meaning. Doing what we said we were going to do. Inky Johnson says that commitment is doing what we said we were going to do long after the mood that we said it in has left. Commitment means we have to deliver. We must get the job done. No excuse is acceptable. Avoiding commitment is an escape mechanism. It’s selling ourselves short.

So how do commitments fail? One way is the over commitment to something that we didn’t believe in in the first place. Don’t say things we don’t mean and don’t go with things we don’t believe. When situations become tough or the outcome doesn’t appear favorable, quitting is always an option. If we don’t quit, we might make it. But if we quit, we definitely won’t. Sometimes, we don’t commit because we don’t want to be held accountable. We don’t commit to goals, checkpoints or standards because they set parameters for failure.

When we don’t honor commitments, we ruin our self-esteem and harm our relationships. People can’t count on us. They don’t trust us. We lose out on one of the most important keys to life. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll see that I share daily motivation. If those messages were only meant for me, I would read or watch them and then continue to scroll. I have felt moved to share those themes in the hopes that even one person can draw some inspiration from them.

Commitment is tied in with responsibility and accountability. I have committed to becoming the person I would be proud of knowing. That means taking responsibility for improving myself and holding people I care about accountable. That comes with its challenges. Not everyone we encounter and have in life wants to hear our suggestions. Not everyone accepts or appreciates responsibility and accountability. Folks may not see the world the way we see it. A powerful message from Jordan Peterson highlights growth and challenges the idea that we are fine just the way we are. What if we are struggling? What if we are not reaching our potential? Is that “fine”? No, it isn’t. Imagine if we all pushed to be the best we could possibly be. Become 1 of 1. It’s in the process and the journey that we experience fulfillment.

DISCOVER TEAMMATES

One of the most important aspects of my life is the relationships I have with others. This year presented opportunities to identify loyal teammates for life. Winning and succeeding is not nearly as rewarding when we do it alone. My goal down the stretch of 2023 was to identify the people in my life that not only cross the finish line with me, but the ones that came back to help make sure I crossed it.

The people I gravitate towards the most are the ones that hold me accountable. They are people that tell me things that I may not want to hear, but know that I need to hear. These people hold me to my commitments and don’t let me fall off of my character and value system.

I can watch sports in a garage, catch up with the guys at the gym and reunite with friends from New Jersey, Texas and Kansas City. People I’ve met at work have opened a new source of socializing outside of the office. I appreciate the friendships I have with those that have a few more years of life experience than I do. Their mentorship holds supreme value. Part of my growth this year comes from recognizing who is truly in my corner.

At age 26, I have reached the stage where my parents have become my best friends. My mother is the first person I call when I have news. She is the first person I call even when I don’t have any news. My mother holds me accountable and often reminds me of a positive outlook. For over 35 years, my father was a surgeon. He is now retired. In the wake of his retirement, I see less of “Doc” and more of Dad. And I like that. I never watched my father in the operating room, nor took much interest in his profession. But I sure am glad I paid attention to how he treats people. I didn’t want my parents to be my best friends when I was growing up. That would not have been good for me. But now I see them as adults too. They are teaching me more than how to do laundry or cook the family recipes. I’m learning plenty about how to go through life. My relationship with my parents has never been better.

It’s a tricky path identifying who is in our corner in life. People want to see us do well, but not better than them. Not everyone is as genuine as we had hoped. Not everybody has the same intentions and values. Unfortunately, there is only one way to come to that realization. It is a good thing I believe in the power of my Italian cornicello necklace. I am fortunate to have discovered my people down the home stretch of this year.

WISER. STRONGER. BETTER.

I sensed myself gaining wisdom this year. Consistency and discipline in my routine laid a foundation for the most significant growth I have seen. Summarizing the topics from above, it’s pretty simple to see that I have learned plenty over the course of the last 365 days. I attacked fear. With excitement, I took responsibility for my improvement and committed to being better today than I was yesterday. I’ve identified loyal, genuine teammates. When I have asked for patience and guidance, I have been presented with opportunities for faith and decisions to make. I don’t ask for much, but I do pray each day that I share my gifts with those around me, continue to strengthen my values and establish my non-negotiables, and stay disciplined on God’s path for my life. I experience incredible calmness when I pray about those things to God.

CHALLENGE FOR 2024

I spent the last few months of 2023 proving myself right. I can overcome fears, commit to improvement and build on my relationships with people that are on my team. Create a team that is worth being on. Combining those objectives made me much wiser, stronger and better. Many of my happiest moments in life occurred this year. My best friend got married. I completed an incredible first year working for the Hawkeyes, highlighted by the men’s trip to Europe, NCAA Track & Field Championships in Austin and an NCAA Regional appearance with the baseball team. I filled in on the Wake Forest Radio Network at the College World Series in Omaha. My relationship with my parents became the best it has ever been. I made an effort to prove to myself that I can be of value in many ways; to the people around me and in my career.

Are we living the right way? Is there more to us than what we see? What could hold us back in 2024? Is there a dog without any teeth chasing us? Is there something we know we should do, but aren’t doing? Are there things we should be saying that we aren’t saying?

We are responsible for our development. What a shame it would be if we neglected our growth – a disappointment to those that care about us. 1% better today than yesterday. Inspire and support. Strengthen the pillars of life.

The best is yet to come.